Too Much Water
by Melly15
Summary: Someone on the Celsius has evil intentions. Will their sinister, yet humorous plan work?
1. Too Much Water Chapter 1

Too Much Water - Chapter 1

* * *

The day started out like any other. The Celsius' Sphere Tracking System was searching all of Spira for any sign of spheres. The girls, Yuna, Rikku, and Paine were still sleeping. It was quite early. But SOMEONE had gotten an early start. Someone, who had evil intentions......

* * *

The lone figure crept through the halls of the Celsius. As a precaution, they slipped off their shoes and stowed them in a closet. Now, clad in socked feet, the figure continued on their way to the cabin.

"This is too easy..", the figure whispered to no one as they made their way silently into the cabin. "This will be tricky...but it has to be done....". Using stealth movements, the figure made it's way behind the bar, where they discovered the ever bug-eyed Barkeep passed out on the floor. Careful not to wake the drunken Hypello, the figure crawled onto the bar and reached under it, pulling out the last bottle of water on the ship. Knowing that Paine ALWAYS started her day with a glass of water, the sneaky little widget knew their plan was fool-proof. In record time, the bottle was opened, a mysterious 'substance' was placed in it, and somehow, the bottle made it's way to Paine's bedside table. Knowing that their job was done, the figure slipped out, the sleeping people none the wiser.....

* * *

"The one thing I hate about sleeping on an airship is how bright the sun is first thing in the morning." Groaning, Paine threw her legs over the side of the bed and stretched out all the kinks in her system. Having been kept up late by Yuna and Rikku's dance competition at the bar, Paine knew she had to do something to get back at them.

"What can I do to them....", Paine pondered and picked up the water on her bedside table. She had the rim on her lips when she was suddenly struck by a BRILLIANT idea! Making sure that the cousins were still deep in sleep, Paine slipped down to the bar and pulled out a bottle of pills titled, 'Shinra's Secret Al Bhed Pills: CAUTION-MAY CAUSE LOSS OF SANITY'. "Perfect.". Paine smirked as she cracked open every capsule and mixed it in with the water. Amazingly, the powder left no evidence of itself in the bottle. Just as Paine was about to pour the now dangerous beverage into two glasses, she heard footsteps approaching from the elevator. So as not to be caught, she quickly stashed the bottle of 'special' water under the bar and slipped out a secret passage, that led to the deck.

* * *

" Man, that new breed of machina really knows how to tire a man out." Gippal rubbed his stiff neck as he made his way to the cabin. Baralai and Nooj followed behind him.

" I do hope that this matter you called us here for is of utmost importance.", Nooj said while he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

" I'm missing a meeting with the Maesters for this Gippal." Baralai pressed the button that opened the cabin door. They all stepped inside but halted when they heard slight snoring.

" They must be asleep still...might as well wait." Baralai rested on a bar stool, and stared intently at a picture hanging on the wall.

" Wonder if they have any booze...." Gippal stepped behind the counter and come up with only a bottle of water. "Huh...this all? Guess we'll have to split it." He poured the 'special' water into three glasses and handed one to Baralai, then Nooj.

" I usually don't drink de-carbonated water, but if it's all I have, then I guess I have no choice." Nooj huffed.

" Well boys, bottoms up!'

The three took the water like a shot of whiskey.

" Holy crap, that was some seriously fucked up water!" Gippal rubbed his forehead, blinking rapidly. " Tasted like...I don't know what...but it was nasty."

" Yeah..but...the crazy thing is-" Baralai started, only to be interrupted by Nooj.

" I want a pony."

" What the hell's a pony?" Gippal asked, still blinking at the fuzziness clouding his vision.

" It's kind of like a vegetable with wings."

" What's a vegetable...and for that matter, what's wings?" Baralai looked at the painting as he spoke, an evil look in his eyes.


	2. Too Much Water Chapter 2

Too Much Water - Chapter 2

* * *

'Who's making this much noise at such an early hour?!', Rikku thought, as she pulled her covers up to her chin. She heard several male voices coming from the bar area. Was it Buddy? Brother? She couldn't place who it was, but she knew she had heard them before. Suddenly loud male laughter hit Rikku's eardrums like a rock, and knowing she'd never be able to go back to sleep, she reluctantly climbed out of bed. Halfway down the stairs she came to a halt. She rubbed her eyes vigorously, HOPING that the scene at the bar was merely an illusion. But alas, when her vision was clear again nothing had changed. Gippal was dancing around, his movements resembling that of a fish out of water. Baralai was apperantly trying to get his leg behind his head. Rikku wasn't sure she wanted to know why. And Nooj, calm, sane, practical Nooj, was eating a small, potted plant.

" Heeeeeyyyy, Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkuuuuuuuuuuuuu!", Gippal called as he stumbled around. " Come and plaaaaay with uuusssssss."

Rikku sighed. Drunk. She had always respected Gippal, thinking he was very levelheaded and smart. Obviously, she had missed some info somewhere.

" What are you doing here Gippal?" Rikku removed the plant from Noojs' grasp and threw it away. She decided to leave Baralai to his own devices.

" Weeeelll, we were juust stoooping in to have a little driiiiiiink."

The overpronunciation was starting to irritate Rikku. If they didn't keep it down, they were bound to wake Yuna. And where was Paine?

Nooj suddenly blinked and looked around.

" Where'd Brigadoon go?"

His speech wasn't slurred like Gippal's, though he still looked dazed. Rikku wasn't sure how to answer the question, or what to do about them. She picked up a small communicator from behind the bar and tried calling Paine. No answer. With a sigh, Rikku pressed the intercom button.

" Brother? Brother, if you can hear me, please come to the cabin. IMMEDIATELY." She released the button and sat on a stool.

" You know, I wasn't planning on babysitting today, but..........." Rikku let out a sigh. Without paying much attention she picked up a nearly empty glass of water and took a sip.

* * *

" Oh Brother, can you come to the cabin? Oh Brother, can you fix the ships engines? Oh, Brother can you wait on me every second of the day?!?!" Brother stormed through the halls of the ship, annoyed that his younger sister was ordering him around again. Whatever the reason for her message, it had better be good. As captain of the Celsius, Brother rarely got a day off. But since things had been so quiet lately, Buddy had told him to relax, and that if anything happened he'd contact him ASAP. Since they were docked near Besaid, Brother had planned on relaxing on the beach most of the day. He had been on his way out the door when Rikku's voice had blown his plans to smithereens.

" This had better not be a joke. For so help me if it is......"

He slammed his hand down onto the controls that opened the cabin door.

" Rikku! What is so damned important that-!" His speech was prohibited by the fact that Baralai was trying to kiss him.

" Oh Brother, I love you! Lets get married!" Baralai craned his neck to reach Brother's lips. Scared to death, Brother punched Baralai square on the jaw. He regretted it a second later when he realized that he had just assaulted a Praetor.

" Rikku! What is going on in here?!"

They both watched in shock as Gippal jumped from the top of the stairs and landed on top of Nooj, crushing the bar stool in the process.

" Don't yell at me! I just woke up and found them like this!"

" Where are Paine and Yuna?!"

" Well.... Yuna's still sleeping, and I think Paine left already."

Brother let out a cry of rage. Things were never normal on the ship, but they usually were'nt dealing with a bunch of drunken crazies. He stopped and thought for a moment. Who could help them? Who could put these men back to a right state of mind? And then it hit him.

" SHINRA! GET IN HERE NOW!"

* * *

Shinra froze. Had someone found out? Had Paine drunk the water? He sure hoped so! He quickly rushed to the cabin.

" Yes?"

He was a little startled when he opened the door and saw Gippal trying to use one of the dress spheres. On top of that, Nooj was out cold on the floore, blood dripping from his nose, and Baralai, PRAETOR Baralai, was swinging from the light fixture like a monkey.

" What in blue blazes is going on in here?!?!?!"

Brother yanked Baralai down.

" We were hoping you could tell us!"

" What's all the noise about guys?"

Everyone looked up at toward the bed area, and saw Yuna. She was still in her nightgown and was rubbing her right eye.

" Oh Yunie! Sorry we woke you up! We umm, we have a little problem down here."

" Miss Yuna! Come to my bosom!" Gippal crushed Yuna to his chest and started stroking her hair. "So lovely. Like a freshly blossomed flower on a warm spring day!" Yuna had turned ten shades of red.

" GET OFF OF LADY YUNA!"

Brother picked up Gippal and threw him out one of the open windows.

" Brother! That's a 50 foot drop to the water! He could get hurt!" Rikku rushed towards the window and watched as Gippal hit the water in a bellyflop. Amazingly, he swam to shore, apparently not hurt in the least.

* * *

Gippal shook out his hair. His head felt foggy, as if he'd been in a daze or only half asleep. He looked around.

" The beach? What in the hell am I doing here?"

He kept hearing a distant cry. Either from a bird or a human. He turned and saw the Celsius a little ways away, floating above the water. If he squinted and turned his head just to the right a bit he could make out a figure leaning out of one of the upper windows.

" HELLO UP THERE! CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!"

He listened carefully and thought he heard a 'YES!'.

" CAN YOU COME TO SHORE AND GET ME?"

If the person had answered the wind had carried it away. Gippal gave a sigh. oh well, maybe it was time he took a little vacation. He turned and walked up the beach, heading towards the town.

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE

Ok, this was a little short, but I promise a new chapter will be up pretty soon. I aiming at this story only being 4 or 5 chapters long, but that could easily change. Hope everyone enjoys the story so far!!

MELLY


	3. Too Much Water Chapter 3

Too Much Water - Chapter 3

* * *

' All right. What we need is a plan.' Rikku wracked her brain for some idea that might help their situation. Once Gippal had gotten onto the beach, he had seemed fine. What had happened that reversed the effects of whatever it was that was wrong with him? She gave a sigh. Thinking was hard work when you hadn't had much sleep. Still, if she didn't come up with something fast, something bad might happen. At first she thought they might just throw the other two out the window. If it had worked for Gippal then maybe it'd work for them. But Nooj had a mechanical leg so they couldn't just throw him into the ocean. Something very obvious was dancing around Rikku's thoughts, but she couldn't grasp it. What had helped Gippal?!

" Ok guys, listen up! Brother, tie Baralai to that chair before he hurts himself. Yunie, just... keep an eye on Nooj. Shinra, lets think.'"

Shinra joined Rikku on the stairs. " Maybe, if we put our heads together and think REALLY hard we'll come up with something."

But alas, after 30 minutes, they still had two drunk men and not a clue as how to help them.

* * *

'Should I tell them? No. I'd get in trouble. Maybe there's some way I can slip them the antidote...'

"So, how does that sound?"

Shinra looked up. Having been absorbed in his own thoughts, he had completely missed whatever Rikku had been saying. " I'm sorry, what did you say Rikku?"

Rikku let out a big sigh. " Well, what if we try pouring water on them or something? Maybe because Gippal was wet it liked, made him normal?" Now that she had said it, the plan sounded a little lame..

" No Rikku, I don't think that'll work." He knew water wasn't the answer. The formula had been mixed into water. If water diluted it, then this wouldn't be happening right now. " Maybe if we scare them."

Rikku blinked incredulously. " Scare them? How"

" Ummm. Well, what if we dropped a spider in front of them? Or held guns up to their heads?"

" Or what if we just chucked them out the window? If it worked for one, it'll work for the others!"

They both looked up at Brother. Surely he was joking. It had been dangerous doing it to Gippal. He could have been killed! And now he wanted to do it AGAIN to two high ranked officials of Spira?!

" Brother, what we need to do is come up with a safe plan. So lets all sit down, and have a nice, long, thinking session." Rikku tugged Brother down beside her. She glanced at Nooj, who was discussing hair care with Yuna. She let out a sigh. This might take a while......

* * *

" And so THEN I said, 'No, combing wet hair MAKES split ends. It doesn't prevent them!'." Nooj chuckled at his own logic. Yuna let out a sigh. She didn't know whether to laugh or be scared. It wasn't everyday that you woke up with a whole bunch of delusional men in your bedroom (or airship for that matter). But, Yuna was being a real trooper. She calmly smiled at Nooj.

" Thank you for the wonderful tips Nooj."

" Oh, no trouble. No trouble at all." He looked dazed as he grinned at her.

" Say Nooj, when you came here, did you have anything to eat, or drink?"

" Why, as a matter of fact I did! We all did!" He handed her the half-full glass of water.

" And, where did you get this?"

" Why, I believe Gippal served it. A nice young chocobo brought it by. Said his Mother had been making it fresh all morning!" Nooj rambled on, even though Yuna was no longer listening.

" Rikku! Brother! Shinra! I think this is the stuff that made them act so abnormal!"

Baralai looked up. He got a crazy look on his face as he watched Yuna with the water.

" GIVE THAT TO ME! GIVE ME THAT DRINK!" Baralai tried his best to break free of his ropes. Yuna carefully gave the glass to Shinra.

" Hmm, yes. I will go examine this, pronto." Shinra raced from the cabin.

Rikku hugged Yuna. "Oh Yunie, you were so smart to ask Nooj!"

Yuna gave a half-laugh. Sometimes she wondered if her cousin ever really used her brain.

* * *

" Phew. That was a close one." Shinra dumped the rest of the water in the sink. Something was strange. This was the same water he had tampered with this morning. Yet, he had mixed in only a little bit of his new 'Love Potion'. So, why was it, that the men acted so strangely. Obviously someone had added with it. And Shrina knew just who it was. He gave a small sigh.

" Paine, my love. I merely wanted you to see me as a man. And someone went and ruined it for us! I'm SURE it was Rikku! She's jealous of you my sweet!"

" What are you rambling on about?"

Shinra froze. That voice. It sent chills down his spine, and love to his heart!

" Oh, Paine. Um, heh heh. What are you doing here?"

She gave him a skeptical look. " I live here."

"Oh, heh, why yes! You do! heh....."

" Are you okay, kid?"

His heart shattered. Kid? She thought of him only as a kid? After months of planning, and countless sleepless nights filled with research, his plan had failed. Paine thought of him as nothing more than a child.

" Uh, sure. Yeah, I'm fine."

She gave him a small smile. " Good to hear it. Keep up the good work." She gave him a small pat on the head and walked off.

" She......she touched me...and...smiled at me. Maybe she really does love me after all!" Shinra's hope was restored!

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE

I know, a little off the wall there at the end, but I spent 7 hours playing X-2 earlier so my brain's a little fried. Thanks to everyone for reviewing (I LOVE YOU ALL!), and I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter!

MELLY

P.S. I'm planning on getting the next chapter done this week, and posting it on Saturday or Sunday. Might be the last chapter, but maybe not. Depends on if people want it longer. Of course....I COULD write a little about where Paine was.....maybe...possibly...if people bribed me enough..Tee hee. Just kidding!


End file.
